Getting Through with You
Having gone to the post office in my hometown while in Texas to have my father’s mail forwarded to my house in New Jersey, I received the first piece of his mail on Monday, American Motorcyclist magazine. Alongside it was the change-of-address confirmation from the US Post Office that included coupons for Lowe’s, Ace Hardware and Best Buy. I’d like to suggest that the USPS needs a better procedure for helping families manage the mail of deceased loved ones. Coupons are nice and all, but they’re flimsy consolation, and frankly, totally inappropriate. I sunk into the sofa and cried. As if his body that only slightly resembled him in the casket hadn’t been official enough, now it was really official. I called the American Motorcycle Association of which my father was apparently a member since he receives their magazine, and cancelled his membership and subscription.
I’ve ridden on motorcycles twice in my life. Once when I was maybe 28 years old with a guy I was seeing at the time. The first time I was on a motorcycle was when I was maybe 7 years old, with my daddy.
Nothing more came in the mail for him until yesterday. I opened the mailbox, and the first thing I saw was Bass Master. My father loved to fish, and I’d been fishing with him many times when I was a child. I sighed, scooped all the mail from the mailbox, and went inside. Flipping past the table of contents, I found the number for member services, picked up the phone, and called to cancel the subscription.
The soft-spoken man on the other end of the line somehow knew why I was cancelling. Maybe he sensed the sadness in my voice. “He was… is a lifetime member?” “Probably,” I said, recognizing that it is only since his death that I am getting a clearer understanding of who he was. “He died,” I informed him. He told me he hadn’t wanted to intrude and ask if that were the case. He told me because of the way the mailing system is set up, I might receive one or two more magazines, and he very sincerely apologized for that. He expressed his sorrow for my loss before he said, “He’s fishing in the sky.” I barely managed to tell him thank you before I burst into tears as I hung up the phone. Whether it’s true or not, I don’t know, but it was certainly a sad, yet comforting sentiment, and I can only hope that it’s what my father believed was awaiting him after he pulled the trigger.
My front doorstep has also brought comfort too though. I’ve received several beautiful cards which I’ve greatly appreciated, and intend to save. There was the flower arrangement that awaited us when we arrived home from Texas two weeks ago, a gorgeous collection of lilies, asters, irises, roses and other flowers that is still sitting in our window. It’s lost some luster, but looks surprisingly nice considering how long we’ve had them. A gift card for Whole Foods from family who live too far away to take us out for dinner so we don’t have to worry about cooking, and oh, how I love the prepared foods section of Whole Foods. The basket of fruit, cheese, crackers and nuts, some of my favorite comfort foods, delivered from Jason’s boss and co-workers. And a couple of days ago, a surprise lizard, nestled in a box from our friends whose wedding we attended back in October, friends who know me better as Iguana Girl, friends who know how to put a smile on my face.
I have to say, I’ve received countless emails, Facebook messages and posts, tweets, and of course, comments here, all of which have meant so much to me. Please know they’ve made such a difference, and while I’ve been a little overwhelmed to respond to each one, please know that all of you have helped me. The messages, thoughts and prayers I’ve received will continue to help me as I have to deal with some difficult tasks ahead, like cleaning out my father’s house, sorting out his finances which are the source of my new nightly headache, and then the most daunting task of all, trying to find some peace despite having lost the opportunity to repair a badly damaged relationship. When so many thing feel upside down and inside out, it’s good to know that y’all are there, so thank you.




























