Last year I did NaBloPoMo in November, which is National Blog Posting month. I had done it in 2008, a few months after I started blogging, and that was more or less OK. Certainly, posting everyday for a month is a challenge, but I felt up to it two years ago. Last year, I jumped off the bridge or the building or the cliff or the edge of sanity or whatever the heck metaphor you want to use because I gave into peer pressure. Not that anyone was technically pressuring me to do it. I don’t have a logical explanation for what possessed me other than impulse and a desire to join the others. I was already posting less and suffering from a lack of inspiration prior to NaBloPoMo 2009, but I decided that making myself post more than I would even under ideal, inspired circumstances was a fabulous idea. OK, maybe not fabulous, but at least plausible. I dreaded blogging by the end of November though, and my plan to rediscover my blogging mojo by participating in NaBloPoMo backfired. Anyway, lesson learned, no more NaBloPoMo.

Until yesterday. you might have noticed a few people posting art in the DOC yesterday. It was Diabetes Art Day, and it was a phenomenal success. I’m actually still going through links, trying to see all of it, and if I haven’t gotten to yours, don’t be shy about sending me a little reminder. If I have an email that says, “Hey, I made art and it’s posted at www.lookatmyawesomeartproject.com!” then that helps. The Diabetes Art Day emails I’ve gotten thus far have been much appreciated, and very helpful.

Amongst the many emails I received yesterday about people’s contributions to Diabetes Art Day, Leighann at D-Mom Blog sent me an email telling me of this month’s theme for NaBloPoMo. In case you aren’t in the know, as I indicated, November is National Blog Posting Month, during which people all over the interwebz post everyday on whatever topic they fancy. NaBloPoMo occurs every month though, only there aren’t as many participants because it’s not the official month, and each month comes with a theme. I got this email from Leighann telling me that September’s theme was art. A pure cosmic anomaly, I promise you, but nonetheless, a tempting prospect. I already had September 1st covered… art-themed? Check. Can I do 29 more posts that are art-themed? I think I can as long as it’s more making and posting art than writing about it. Not that I can’t and won’t write some posts, but I’m going to use this as an excuse to get busy making more art over the next few weeks. Luckily, my art tends to be about diabetes in some way, so it will still settle nicely into the diabetes blog.

You might be arted out, but I have ideas coming out the wazoo after such an inspiring Diabetes Art Day, so stay tuned and check back because September is going to be a beautiful month at The Butter Compartment.

The entries for the No-Sugar Added Poetry book contest are starting to trickle in, which is very exciting! In talking about the contest and the guest post I did for DiabetesMine on Monday, it seems some people were inspired to do more than just make art for the contest though. My friend, Cherise, had the brilliant suggestion of an art day. I was a little wary because of concerns about participation, but Cherise’s excitement was infectious. Also, I recalled talking with Karen about how she was worried when she announced her idea for Diabetes Blog Week that no one would be interested in participating. As it turned out, she could barely stay on top of the participating blogs, and was overwhelmed in a good way by the response.

With these fine diabetes blog ladies as my muses, I am initiating the very first official Diabetes Art Day. If you would like to participate, between now and September 1st, I’m asking you to break out of your linguistic comfort zone, bust out some art materials, and make a piece of artwork – painting, drawing, collage, sculpture, an installation piece, a mixed media something or other, or whatever you can imagine. I’m sure most of you don’t consider yourselves artists, but I think that you are, and just haven’t discovered it yet. Then, once your masterpiece is complete, post it on September 1st. If you want to get your family involved, maybe each of you can create something, or you can even do a group art project. The possibilities are endless if you use your imagination!

When September 1st comes around, if you want to say something about it – what it was like to make it, if it turned out the way you expected, what it means to you – then go for it, but if you just want to post a picture of it, and let it speak for itself, the magic of art is that words are optional. If you don’t have a blog, and still want to participate, post it on one of the diabetes online communities. You can even send it to me if you want, and I can post it. I just don’t want anyone who doesn’t have a blog to feel like they can’t participate because the more people that jump into the art-making action, the better. Whatever you create, wherever you post it, just link back to me because you have no idea how much I am looking forward to seeing what you’ve made!

Here’s a badge to show you are participating and help spread the word. Then all that’s left is tuning out that inner-critic, tuning into your instincts, sense of adventure and playfulness, making something fantastic, and posting it on September 1st. This is a community art project like no other for a community like no other, so help me make it fabulous!

For additional information about how and where to post your art on September 1st, please check out: Where the Heck Do I Post My Art?

If you’re concerned about how to get started making art, what materials to use, or worried that you’re not “talented”, please check out: So You Say You’re Not an Artist?

A few more tips, inspiration, ideas, and information about a raffle for all Diabetes Art Day participants: Extra Inspiration

Today, I am so excited to point you over to DiabetesMine, where Amy Tenderich graciously gave me the opportunity to share a post about art therapy. People frequently ask me what art therapy is when I tell them I’m an art therapist because the combination of artist plus therapist might seem a little peculiar at first glance. Even more peculiar is what on earth art therapy has to do with diabetes, but in my guest post, I try to shine a little light on what I do. I hope you’ll head over to DiabetesMine to check it out.

No-Sugar Added: A Diabetes Poetry Book

Staying with the art theme today, I wanted to remind everyone that we are down to the final few days before the No-Sugar Added: A Diabetes Poetry Book give-away. This gorgeous book is filled with poems written by people from tudiabetes.org, all individuals who are diabetic, who are caregivers of diabetics, or who are healthcare providers of diabetics. While I didn’t write a poem for it, I did write the Introduction, and Dr. Polonsky from BDI wrote the Foreword, which is really cool. I know, it’s shameless self-promotion, but I think all of us who contributed to this project are pretty darn proud of the final product, and when you see how amazing it is, I think you’ll understand why.

The deadline for entering the drawing for the book is August 15th, this coming Sunday, so if you’d like to be entered into a raffle for a chance to win one of two copies of this super fabulous poetry book, get out your paints, markers, scissors and glue – or whatever art supplies you like to use and have handy. The task ahead of you is to make a piece of art about diabetes. It can represent anything you have to say about diabetes, any experience, any feeling, anything you want to express about being or caring for someone who is pancreatically challenged.

To enter, you must make an original piece of art, take a picture of it, preferably high resolution, and no less than 500 pixels on its shortest side, and send me that picture in an email. I want to post the pictures when I announce the winners next week, so please indicate to me whether or not I have your permission to post the image. I will not use the images for anything other than this contest. If I do not have your explicit permission, I won’t post the image, but you are still entered into the raffle.

It doesn’t matter if you are type 1, type 2, or type 3, shorthand for a caregiver or loved one, and there is no age restriction, so if your child or your parent or your spouse would like to make some diabetes art to enter, I hope they will do so. So far, I’ve only received 2 entries. That makes choosing 2 winners pretty easy, but kind of takes the fun out of having a raffle. If you would still like to submit an entry, there’s time, and obviously, your chances of winning are pretty good.

When I initially announced the contest, I had specified art submissions that relied more on visual imagery than language, but because participation has been lacking, as long as there’s some visual component, it’s OK if you incorporate words. I know very few people take time to make art because most people don’t think they’re “good at it”. I was motivated to encourage people to try making art, even if you haven’t made art since you were in grade school, because I believe everyone is capable of making art if they redefine what makes art “good”. To me, art is good if it’s created with sincerity and reflects a feeling or idea or experience, so basically, as long as you put some thought and effort into it, I’m impressed. You might think that means I’m easy to impress, but trust me, it seems that getting people to make art is gosh darn hard, so I’m not impressed as often as I’d like to be. It’s always made me so sad to hear one person after another tell me they aren’t good at art because no one ever told them they were good at it, or worse yet, they were discouraged when someone told them they weren’t good at it. I’m here to tell you are good at art!

So get your hands on some art materials, or turn your diabetes supplies into art, take a picture, send it to me between now and Sunday, and you might win a copy of No-Sugar Added: A Diabetes Poetry Book!

On Sunday, Jason and I had a heart to heart. Mostly he listened, mostly I talked, or rambled as the case may be, and I got a little teary eyed too. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, like I’m trying to go in a hundred different directions, but since that’s not possible, I’m really just running in circles, although even that doesn’t quite describe it because at least if I were doing that, I would be going in some direction. Too many irons in the fire. Too many pots on the stove. You get the idea.

I do think part of my problem is related to my father’s death, but I don’t think I’m far enough away from it to really have enough perspective to grasp how it’s impacted me. Yesterday, I got papers in the mail from the lawyer, something about an inventory of assets since the estate was probated. I don’t know exactly because I glanced at it, and set it down with the distinct thought that I don’t want to be bothered with any of it anymore. I’m tired, all the work I’ve put into managing his estate has ultimately been thankless, and since he wasn’t particularly interested in me during his life, there’s not even a sense that he would have been appreciative of how I’ve stuck my neck way out for him through all of this…

Needless to say, I have some strong, unresolved feelings that I need more time to process. It’s this waiting and not knowing how to go about it that gets to me.

That’s probably the only truly bad thing that’s seeped into my spring, and although I can’t say I really knew what to expect as the initial turmoil of his death passed, it’s not a surprise that I’m feeling as I do about it now. Luckily, the rest of the chaos in my life hasn’t been morbid, and some of it has actually been good, although it’s what’s had me feeling like I’ve been running around like a chicken with its head cut off, although with a better outcome I hope.

Diabetes Robot

As April came to a close, I was the guest facilitator at our local hospital’s support group for teens with type 1. I brought my big plastic container filled with art supplies along with several boxes of diabetes trash, courtesy of many of you (thanks!!), and the kids went into a frenzy of creative goodness. Many of them collaborated to create a big diabetes robot, some of them did their own thing, but overall, it was a great success.

The CDE who runs the group relayed to the diabetes education department how well the group had gone, and as a result, I was invited to speak at a workshop for school nurses about eating disorders. A local clinician who is both a dietitian and a social worker was the headliner, followed by a CDE from the hospital who spoke about diabulimia. That nurse invited me to give the patient perspective, so I talked about my experience, recovery, and what I do now.

In addition to sharing how well the teen group had gone with the colleagues in her department, the nurse who runs that group also told another CDE who works at a local pediatric hospital about the art therapy group I did. That CDE invited me to participate in a summer camp program she’s starting for lower-income urban kids with type 1. As many of us know, diabetes camp can come with a high price tag, and although all of the camps with which I’m familiar do their best to offer financial aid and scholarships, that doesn’t mean all the families with kids who would benefit from such opportunities know to apply, or are in a position to buy things their kids would need for camp, or are even able to transport their kids to camp.

This new camp will be for 4 days in August, including a Saturday family day. The CDE is still trying to nail down a location, so this is in the very early stages of planning. She said my position will be a volunteer position, as the funding is bare bones, but it’s her hope that should it be successful this summer, that she’d be able to attain enough funding next year to pay me. Right now, the tentative plan is to have 3-4 art therapy groups per day, with one 1-day project, another more involved 2-day project, and then have the art on display for family day. Needless to say, I’m super excited to be a part of this. For several years, I’ve wanted to do something like this, but wasn’t really sure how to bring my vision to fruition. Of course, as with anything, I’d love to get a fat paycheck, or any paycheck for that matter, to go with it, but since I love what I do and I’m able to volunteer my services, committing to the project was only a matter of checking my schedule to make sure I was available. And I am, so I’m in!

In addition to that, Children’s Mental health Awareness Day was a couple of weeks ago. In honor of that, the Delaware Valley Art Therapy Association joined the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia, a museum for children, to provide a day of art-making that was titled, “My Feelings Are a Work of Art”. I’m now on the board of DVATA as the newsletter chairperson (another project that’s had me quite busy), so I volunteered to help with that. The museum liked it so much that they’ve asked us to come back next year and do it again.

Of course, if you weren’t actually there, then you’ve likely already read other posts about the big D meet-up in NYC that was a little over a week ago. In honor of Cara’s yearly trek to see more musicals in the course of a few days than I’ve seen in my life, many diabetics in NYC and the surrounding areas gathered at a bakery-restaurant on the Upper West Side, just a block or so from Central Park. If the whole menu wasn’t organic, most of it was, so it was very environmentally-friendly, chemical-free food, which is good because I’ve been trying really hard to steer my diet more in that direction – although I was sad there was no diet soda. I have to say the bakery counter was filled with some beautiful treats, and had it not been for the long line as we were departing, I would have at least gotten some cookies. Also, as a side note, I had to chuckle because the original plan had been to meet at a little restaurant that specialized in pizza and mac & cheese, and I was totally prepared to arrive with a full cartridge of insulin, but Allison, our trusty organizer, discovered that restaurant had closed, so organic, sustainable plan B was quite the 180 degree turn!

The other biggish thing that’s happening is that I’ve decided to apply to a doctorate program. I have a lot of work to do to get my application together, so that’s taken precedence over blogging. Next week, I’m taking the Miller Analogy Test, which is a standardized exam that I need for my application. Honestly, I think my chances of getting accepted are a little skimpy. My qualifications are kind of marginal, but research to show that art therapy could be valuable for helping people with diabetes needs to be done, in my humble opinion, and although I might not have the best pedigree, I’d bet there aren’t too many people who are as motivated and invested as I am in doing that research. I debated sharing this here because I loathe the day when I might have to report that I wasn’t accepted, but I’ve posted about it on Facebook, so I figured I’d share it here too. Whatever ends up happening, you will be some of the first to know.

Finally, I’ve already blurted this all over the place, but my proposal to do a workshop at the American Art Therapy Conference in Sacramento this November was accepted. Before I go, I’ll be packing up the diabetes trash to ship to the conference site so the workshop participants can get their hands dirty in the discards of diabetes management for the purpose of creating something magnificent. I still have a good many leftovers from all that was sent to me in the fall, but if anyone has an inclination to send more, I do love offering the variety. Plus, I think it means a lot to tell people about the DOC and how the artistic creations made in my workshops are made possible by you.

So that’s the long and short of what’s been happening, or at least the highlights. It’s had me busy, it’s had blogging on the back burner, it’s had reading other blogs on the other back burner, and it’s had Twitter falling clear off the stove. Living life is about making priorities though, and with so much going on, there just hasn’t been time to sit and write a proper post. I think I’d be lost without my little home base here to vent the bad, share the good, and ponder the in-between. Just because I’m not writing as often doesn’t mean I’m not here. It just means I’m knee-deep in other projects that I hope will ultimately benefit the diabetes community, and you can be sure, as soon as I get time, I’ll always come here to share it with you.

When Karen initiated Diabetes Blog Week, I signed up. Since my inspiration to write blog posts has been sparse and inconsistent, I was grateful to have someone else lay out for me some topics about which to write. A little structure was just what I needed, and it was my hope that seven days of blogging would help me recapture some rhythm again.

Saturday, in anticipation of Diabetes Blog Week, I checked into her blog to re-read the daily assignments. The first topic was “A Day in the Life”, a description of some kind of a typical day with diabetes. It sounded simple enough. Maybe a year or so ago, I decided that I wanted to do such a post, recording all of my diabetes moments throughout a day, and here, Karen was telling me to get to it. Because it was Monday’s topic, I clearly needed to get to it on Sunday, and decided that at midnight on Saturday, I would start.

At some point late Sunday afternoon, I remembered that I was supposed to be recording my every diabetes thought, moment and movement, some 16, 17, 18 hours after the fact. Crap. Time to rethink my intentions for the post in question about a typical diabetes day since it was too late to get started on my initial plan if I had any hope of getting a post ready in a semi-timely fashion. Logging my diabetes day is still an exercise I’d like to do, partly because it feels like a challenge with no particular purpose, which is strangely appealing. It’s not the results that intrigue me as much as the process of keeping track and staying conscious of just how ever-present and even intrusive diabetes is.

Regardless of when I waste my time with that silly project, I still needed to figure out what to write about a typical day with diabetes for Diabetes Blog Week. The thing is, I’m not sure that there is an average day of diabetes, at least not an average day that I think truly captures life with diabetes. There are an endless supply of days that are out of the ordinary, extreme days including those unwelcome early mornings, awaking to paramedics in my bedroom, nights when Jason has busted out the glucagon, and other unconscious, flailing, wailing good times hallmarked with dripping sweat-soaked sheets, a sleep-deprived Jason, a dazed me, and BG’s of 20-something mg/dL followed by rebound highs into the BG stratosphere.

Those incidences are few and far between. Usually, anyway. At the other end of the spectrum, there are days when my BG is suspiciously cooperative, when my CGM graph is oddly straight with barely a hiccup, and because of that, I might only check my BG a couple of times, just to calibrate my CGM and confirm that the diabetes stars are aligned in my favor. So much so that I can’t help but wonder if my beta cells have magically healed themselves and started pumping insulin into my system for the first time in decades. This is a ridiculous notion on Planet Reality, but on Planet Diabetes where the sun and moon come and go at whim, and the seas rise and fall according to no rhyme or reason, it can seem perfectly plausible, if only for a moment. I know it’s an illusion, but it can be a mighty convincing one after a day of carbtastic goodness – fruit, bread, chips, candy, ice cream – and not a BG over 140mg/dL.

Somehow, those glorious days when it seems I can do no wrong as long as I crank my basal rates down, don’t make up for the days when it seems I can’t do anything right. How can it be that one morning, I awake to a beautiful 107mg/dL, eat my fruit, cereal and milk, and stay under 150mg/dL, while the next day, I can awake at 221mg/dL, skip breakfast, and still not manage to get my BG below 250mg/dL for hours? The days when my BG is high and stays high are maddening, and while I can’t say days like that are frequent, they’re not rare either. And they suck. A lot. There is no better way to feel completely ineffective than to do everything right, diabetically speaking, and get the wrongest of wrong results. Days like that are as typical as any other really.

If you want to get technical about it, of course, there is an average diabetes day for each of us. I’m not entirely sure what an actual average day with diabetes is for me. Maybe it’s 7 fingersticks, a 1/3 of an insulin infusion site change, a 1/6 of a CGM sensor change, about 36 units of insulin, 19 units of which is my programmed basal, the remainder of which is little chunks here and there throughout the day to cover my carbs, of which there would be about 250g. There would be some fresh fruit, some whole grains, veggies, probably some cheese, and a couple tablespoons of peanut butter, but there would also be a candy bar, or maybe a small dish of ice cream. My BG would probably vacillate between 68mg/dL and 192mg/dL, averaging in at 135mg/dL or so, and including 1 1/2 lows requiring 6oz. of blueberry juice. How many days are really average though? I’m going to guess that it’s not many. It’s an average, and with diabetes, an average isn’t really an accurate snapshot.

I can tell you what I know about a typical diabetes day though. It doesn’t require doing math to figure out an average total daily insulin requirement or average grams of cabs consumed. It doesn’t require toting around a memo pad to make notes every time I check my BG, or adjust my basal rate to account for the laundry that’s had me hustling up and down the basement stairs all morning, or eat the brown rice I’ve carefully weighed on the nutrition scale. With a high degree of certainty, I can say that the typical day of diabetes is always a surprise, and far from predictable. I try to read the signs, I try to be prepared, I try to go with the flow, and when I have the forethought, I even take preventative actions, but the typical diabetes day offers no guarantees or assurances that my actions will matter. It unfolds as it pleases, without regard for the plans I’ve made to accomplish this or that. The people who depend on me, the people who are waiting for me, the people who worry and care are of no concern to the disease with a secret agenda that seems to change daily, sometimes hourly. A typical diabetes day can be doing everything right, but getting one wrong result after another, just as it can be doing everything wrong and still getting fabulous results. A typical diabetes day is an atypical diabetes day, and like it or not, you can always count on that.