The Paradox of Type 1 Diabetes
Diabetes has been an experience like no other, shaping who I am and the path my life has taken. 29 years and 9 months after being diagnosed, I look back on it the way I imagine people look back after having raised a child.
I see how my feelings about it have evolved in too many directions to count, how I’ve come to see it as a character or shadow or entity that’s accompanied me whether I liked it or not, how our relationship entered and passed through many stages. We’ve co-existed amicably, we’ve battled until we were beat to a pulp, we’ve felt like strangers, and we’ve nourished each other and developed mutual respect. It’s brought me opportunities and it’s kept me from opportunities. It’s been my friend. It’s been my enemy.
It’s been there for almost as long as I can remember, and it will be with me until the moment I die because I don’t expect there to be a cure in my lifetime. A lot of people think that’s pessimistic or even downright fatalistic, but I’ve earned the right to have any belief I want to have about that, and that’s the reality I see.
Trying to pull my diabetes apart and separate it from who I am is an impossible task. It’s a complex disease for which there is no cure, for which there is no known cause. I know enough about it to teach, but living a life with it is not enough to earn me a credential. More often than not, I am my own doctor, my own nurse, my own nutritionist, my own counselor, my own motivational speaker. I am my best teacher and my best advocate.
Not an hour goes by that I don’t consider it for at least a moment unless I’m dead asleep, and even then, it can be part of my best dreams or part of my worst nightmares. It constantly has me reflecting on the past and wondering about the future. It used to be the source of my anger, a rather relentless anger at that. Now it’s the source of inspiration. It used to be the cause of shame. Now it brings me pride.
I could not have said it better myself. Every moment of every day is spent thinking about this disease. We can never just ‘relax’ with it – and I am sorry – but the type 2 diabetic just does not have the same daily issues that WE have. I will check back often my friend…
Comment by guy housewright — July 24, 2008 @ 9:40 am
LeeAnn– this is an AWESOME post. You describe the reality of life with diabetes so clearly.
This is the first time that I found your blog and I LOVE the title! My butter compartment looks just like yours
Kristin
Comment by Kristin — August 1, 2008 @ 1:17 pm