Put a Fork in Me
I took the exam this morning, and it was really difficult. It was multiple choice, but most of the questions were very subjective. For most, it was possible to rule out one of two options, but there were usually a couple of options for which one could make a valid argument. There were 200 questions, and it was a maximum of 4 hours, although I was done in a little over 3. I felt like I was doing OK up until maybe question 150 or 160, and by the time I got to about 175 or 180, I had lost the ability to really process, and the information just started to look like gibberish. Unfortunately, those questions towards the end were mostly on theory, i.e. Gestalt, existential, cognitive-behavioral, object relations, psychoanalytic (if that means anything to you), which is subject matter I’d spent what I thought was a decent amount of time studying, but by the time I got to it on the exam, I could barely see or think straight. So that could be bad.
The few people with whom I’ve spoken who’ve taken it, didn’t indicate to me that they had had to take it more than once, but as I sat in the hotel bar, sipping on a glass of pinot noir trying to relax, an older, retired art therapist sat down next to me and started chatting. She said she knows an art therapist who’s taken it three times. It wasn’t clear to me if she passed on the third try or not, but apparently she barely failed the first two times. That was kind of discouraging. As I left the testing site, I thought that if I had to take the exam again, I’d need my own crisis or grief counseling to deal with the trauma and anxiety of facing it again.
So I wish I had a better sense of how I did. From what I hear, it will likely be 2 or 3 months before I get the results, which considering they probably only have 100-150 exams to grade, seems like an awfully long time. What’s done is done though. I know many of you have expressed great confidence in me, which I dearly appreciate, but nonetheless, my confidence in myself that it will go in my favor is marginal. For now, my brain is mush, and my anxiety hasn’t exactly subsided, so this post is as good as it gets for me today.
I’m off to the final soiree of the conference. There’s one more session in the early morning I’m attending, then I’ll check out, meet my friend for lunch, and I’ll be off to the airport to fly home. When I’ll blog tomorrow, I can’t say, but I’ll see what I can do…
I’ll bite: existentialism as a theory of psychotherapy? I had too much existentialist literature rammed down me in English and French classes to see it as anything more than the advocacy of superfice over substance and something with which to torture us students…
Comment by tmana — November 22, 2009 @ 12:22 am
“Existential psychotherapy is a approach to therapy which takes seriously the human condition. It is an optimistic approach in that it embraces human potential, while remaining a realistic approach through its recognition of human limitation. Falling in the tradition of the depth psychotherapies, existential therapy has much in common with psychodynamic, humanistic, experiential, and relational approaches to psychotherapy.” (Existential Psychotherapy)
I’m generally eclectic in my approach to working with clients, but I subscribe heavily to the existential approach. I believe in working with people to find or assign some meaning to the “bad stuff” that happens. I think it’s a very effective approach for helping people move toward acceptance of diabetes since illness does present some existential quandaries for people. It probably goes without saying, but I also believe self-disclosure is a valuable therapeutic tool. Within an existential framework, the nature of the relationship between client and therapist is much difference from that of the relationship within something like a psychoanalytic framework in which the therapist presents themselves as a tabula rasa. If you’re interested in it, check into Irving Yalom. He’s one of my favorite authors of books on psychotherapy – readable and accessible, even for non-mental health professionals.
Comment by Lee Ann — November 22, 2009 @ 1:33 am
I took a big exam like this for my profession and I remember those feelings. I had to ask myself what was so bad if I failed and how would I deal with it? I remember being mostly concerned about the embarrassment. And that was it. Yea, it would cost way too much to retaked it, but I knew I could pass it. It had no bearing on my current employment. So I wouldn’t get that pay raise…I could next year. No big deal. Once I dealt with the fact that my face was all I was worried about… I didn’t worry so much. I did pass though, so I might not accurately remember those feelings. Although I can’t say how did you or whether or not you will pass. I can tell you that if you failed… I won’t judge. I recognize that really this is about you not judging yourself. Good luck and great job for even taking it!
Comment by casey — November 22, 2009 @ 9:02 am
LeeAnn, I am so proud of you for sitting for the test. I am sure you did well, I think we all walk away from these big tests extremely addled and unsure of how we did. I felt so like you did when I took the NCE, near the end I couldn’t even think anymore!
I am not surprised to see that you have an existential slant in your style at all. Dr. Yalom is incredible for sure! My supervisor says he is very accessible and is happy to email therapists back if they contact him. I have just been too scared to do it and a bit intimidated.
Comment by suzanne — November 22, 2009 @ 9:59 am
Congrats on getting through the test–good luck with the waiting!
Comment by Lyrehca — November 22, 2009 @ 3:04 pm
Wow, that sounds like a horrid test!!! Here’s hoping you did better than you think and you’ll never have to sit through it again! {{{HUGS}}}
Comment by Karen — November 22, 2009 @ 9:23 pm
Damn – a 200 question 4 hour exam?! My brain would have been mush by question 10.
Comment by Scott K. Johnson — December 1, 2009 @ 6:44 pm