Another Round of The Blame Game
A couple of blog posts were brought to my attention yesterday that got me thinking. Really thinking.
George thought I might be interested in a post on the blog, Wife of a Diabetic, and indeed, I was. As always, I encourage you to head over and read for yourself, but the title of the blog is pretty self-descriptive. From the sub-heading: My DH went from pills to insulin shots in March 2006 and he does not deal with it at all… And I need an outlet for my feelings and my thoughts…
I read this blog for a short while not long after I started blogging. Eventually, I stopped reading because I found her viewpoints toxic, and I thought Wife and her husband needed family therapy. Reading it started to feel voyeuristic, and even more unsettling to me, I had the skeevy sense that I was somehow complicit in their obvious dysfunction even though I know their issues will continue whether or not I read.
The post that George thought I should read was not specifically about Wife though. It was an email that Wife received from a reader, a man in his early 30’s, Gregory, whose wife has diabulimia, and who expressed how grateful he was to have found the spouse of another diabetic who doesn’t follow their regimen. What Gregory didn’t seem to realize was how Wife of a Diabetic is a sinkhole of negativity just waiting to suck in other spouses feeling lost and alone. I could feel the heaviness of my heart as I read Gregory’s email, recognizing the irrational priorities his wife has adopted in pursuit of thinness, knowing that as serious as her mental illness is, there’s treatment, and knowing there was no way to reach out to a man with nothing more than a first name.
For Gregory, the spouse in need of support and resources, of which admittedly there are not a lot, but they do exist, Wife was there to make a bad situation worse. “I think it’s a side affect [sic] of the drugs. Or a side affect [sic] of highs and lows…Don’t expect her to keep a promise. I don’t think it’s possible. Don’t expect her to be honest with you. Don’t expect her to take her meds.” Her advice was to either stay and put up with it, or leave. End of story. This woman with her own train wreck of a marriage was essentially telling him to sit on the train tracks and wait so he too could have his very own mangled mass of train wreckage.
I considered leaving a comment. I wanted to tell her she was wrong, but mostly I wanted to tell Gregory that he doesn’t have to park himself on the train tracks with Wife. A little bird told me that Wife reportedly doesn’t like to publish comments that don’t feed her martyrdom though. George told me he posted a comment suggesting that Gregory visit my blog, but more than 24 hours after the fact and as of this posting, his comment has yet to pixelate, proving the little bird correct. The irony that she has a blog to complain about a husband who refuses to engage in his diabetes care, yet she refuses to accept help from others or be constructively proactive was so obvious it hurt.
As I was digesting this, Kerri tweeted a link to Carey Potash’s post on Dlife’s Blogabetes about the death of Casey Johnson. You might be like me, asking, who the heck is Casey Johnson? Apparently, Casey Johnson is the daughter of New York Jets owner, Woody Johnson. If you aren’t a Jets fan, which is likely the case, you might be more familiar with the Johnson family from their endeavors in health and beauty products since this is the Johnson family of Johnson & Johnson, makers of such products as baby powder, Q-Tips, and One Touch test strips.
Ms. Johnson was only 30 years old, but she lived life on the edge, to put it nicely. Drugs, booze (there’s a theme going this week, eh?), and a nagging case of T1 diabetes dating back 12 years or so into which she reportedly never put a lot of effort. As Carey suggests, the irony is that Ms. Johnson’s dad is chairman of JDRF, and her name is plastered on widely-used diabetes management products. Not to mention that she was a gabazillionaire, and as we know, the richer you are, the better your health care services are – assuming you seek out those services, that is.
I contemplated these young women, Ms. Johnson who’s dead, and Gregory’s wife, barreling towards death at a pretty good clip. Two women with type 1, neither taking very good care of herself, one with what appears to be an eating disorder, and per Gregory’s account, has been diagnosed as such, and another with substance abuse problems, which much like an eating disorder, tend to be symptoms of other unresolved psychosocial problems. The bitter tone of Wife’s response to Gregory’s email, asserting his wife would never change, once a liar, always a liar, and he would just need to accept it or leave. The reports that Ms. Johnson essentially killed herself by not managing her diabetes.
I could almost hear the accusations that they did it to themselves. But did they? I’ve been down that road, so perhaps I’m biased, but I like to think I also have a shred of insight into how and why a diabetic travels that road at all. I think it’s shortsighted to lay the blame solely at the feet of anyone who’s lost their way with diabetes management. As a former non-compliant diabetic, I don’t mean to suggest that I didn’t have a hand in the self-destruction. It’s called self-destruction for a reason after all. However, it’s important to remember that diabetes mismanagement doesn’t happen in a vacuum. There are outside forces that can and do have an effect on disease outcome. Maybe the responsibility needs to be shared.
Yesterday, wondering what other diabetics thought, I posed the question on Facebook, asking anyone who might want to offer an opinion, who was responsible when a diabetic doesn’t do as they’re told. Scott Strumello, shared his insight:
There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” diabetic — just as we all know the idea of glycemic control (implying that the patient has control over every situation) is also a lofty theory that too often fails in clinical practice. If anyTHING is to blame, it is not the diabetes, but the overly complex treatment protocol. To succeed with intensive therapy, a patient with type 1 diabetes must take 3+ daily injections of insulin (or pump therapy), 4+ daily blood glucose tests, and follow dietary and activity instructions, all of which is subject to change without notice and without warning at any point in time. The principle underlying intensive insulin therapy is grounded in the assumption that it is reasonable to expect a person to perform these acts every day for the rest of his or her life — therefore, it is the treatment protocol, not the patient nor the disease that is to blame!
I agree that the treatment protocol is ridiculous and labor-intensive. Pretending to be a pancreas day in and day out isn’t as fun as it sounds. If doing this crap every day until I die isn’t a complete time/energy/emotion succubus, I don’t know what is. People without diabetes only have the hardship of imagining living like this for a few seconds before they have the luxury of conveniently dismissing it as not as bad as we say it is without ever really having to do it.
We all know the rest of the world doesn’t “get” what it’s like to live with diabetes. Many think it’s the disease of fat people who eat too many donuts, and we just need to get off our collective asses and go for a walk, so we’ll all be cured. Forward your thank you notes to just about any mass media outlet for that prevalent misconception. If people are paying attention, they might notice the pump tubing and realize it isn’t a phone, or worse, a beeper, the surreptitious fingersticks, the dazed expression of a low BG. They aren’t privy to the perpetual mental purgatory where you are forever destined to obsess about how much insulin you took, how much you should take, what you should or shouldn’t eat and how many carbs might be hiding in it, and how this, that or the other thing is going to affect your blood sugar. All the bleeping time. Arguing. Cooking. Conversing. Dancing. Decorating the Christmas tree. Doing laundry. Driving. Funerals. Gardening. Graduations. Grocery shopping. House hunting. Job interviews. Masturbation. Meetings at work. Mini-golf. Movies. Participating in sports. Parties. Playing games. Reading. Sex. Shoveling snow. Showering. Signing up for a checking account. Sleeping. Standing in line at airport security. Taking exams. Trying on clothes at the mall. Vacationing. Walking the dog. Watching TV. Weddings. It interrupts everything.
And that’s not supposed to get tiring? We’re supposed to be OK with it and just suck it up without complaining, being pissed, or wanting to quit? When we aren’t OK with it, and we get tired, angry, depressed, and unmotivated, we’re seen as weak, lazy, undedicated, irresponsible, and of poor character? That’s justified, how exactly?
Since this is the treatment protocol with which we’re stuck though, how about a little more support from those people who call themselves our diabetes care teams? To a large extent, the label is a misnomer since we’re the ones burdened with all the work, but that shouldn’t absolve them of their responsibility to better support us. Where is the general consensus by the medical community that they’re screwing up by not providing the resources we need to properly manage this time, labor and emotion-intensive disease? Could there possibly be any correlation between their lack of ownership for the countless diabetics out there who have just given up the fight, and the emails I get almost weekly from people who want mental health help, but don’t know how or where to find it because it probably doesn’t exist in their community? The medical community just wipes their hands, pretending they’ve given us what we need, but I see marginal evidence that they even understand what we need since there aren’t adequate mental health services for most of us. Then they say we’re the ones who need to shape up or ship out if we can’t get with their program?
I can’t say whether or not something could have been different for Ms. Johnson. For all I know, people did try to help her. I’m pretty confident she probably didn’t get the post-diagnosis psychoeducation every last one of us should be getting about the behavioral health aspects of diabetes because I don’t think that sort of preventive protocol exists. The very notion that diabetics and their families be taught about the risks of depression, anxiety, food and body issues, substance abuse, family conflict and burnout before they happen is absurd, right? I guess it takes a girl with a psychiatric rap sheet that drags the floor to think up such ridiculous concepts.
As for Gregory’s wife, her symptoms sound pretty severe in that she doesn’t seem to have a lot of insight into the nature of her problem, at least based on Gregory’s description, but that’s a common feature in patients with eating disorders before they engage in treatment. It takes time and a good treatment team of both eating disorder and diabetes care professionals, but there’s nothing to indicate she is beyond recovery. Contrary to Wife of a Diabetic’s assertions that Gregory should just accept his wife’s mental illness, there is hope. I ask that you send a prayer, positive energy, or hopeful wish that he finds his way out from under the shadow of doom cast by Wife, and into the light of the rest of the DOC who will gladly welcome him and assist him in finding the resources he and his wife need so she can experience the joys of recovery that I’ve found. The Blame Game seems to be a fixture in life with diabetes, but if anyone is pointing fingers at me, I can only hope it’s because they recognize that I’m trying to change the rules of the game so people with diabetes end up winning.
Wow, what a great post. I was reminded of earlier today that I put some lip balm on and thought to myself not to test on that finger. people just can’t comprehend how invasive D is in any simple action that we take
Comment by Scott — January 7, 2010 @ 12:25 am
Wickedly awesome post Lee Ann!! Superb writing. Truly.
Comment by Sherry — January 7, 2010 @ 2:16 am
Amazing post Lee Ann. Seriously, move here, I mean, be my therapist.
You highlight so many great points about life with Diabetes. So many. The factors/variables we need to consider all day, every day, with a “standard” formula offered up by the medical community is astounding. Unless you live it, you have no idea. So, today, I quit. Ha. I kid. Can’t help it.
Definitely praying for that couple. There is Always hope. Always.
Comment by Crystal — January 7, 2010 @ 2:31 am
I must say I love this post, there is so much here that you have written that I have either gone through or understand. There are so many times that I feel like EVERYONE even my doctors are pointing the finger at me, when I do my best controling my BS. Thank you for your blogs, and how reading them makes my day better.
Comment by Heather Basey — January 7, 2010 @ 2:39 am
Wow. My Word. Simply stunning in how outstandingly wonderful this post is. I’ve had the exact same thoughts in the recent days, and particularly in reading the above-mentioned blog – that is also why my Wife of a Type 1 recently began her own blog. To offer feedback of a woman not only watching me live with this physically and mentally and emotionally, but who plays an ACTIVE part in my D-team and tries to help without just complaining about it all. In many of these media reports and those types of blogs, we get that overwhelming sense of hopelessness – like the title “Death by Diabetes.” C’mon…. It’s no wonder people are hopeless, when that’s all they can see and find out there when searching for the support. We have so many local support groups in some form in various places, and while it may not be exactly what’s needed for everyone, it’s a starting point that can help get a person going in the right direction. We have people like you Lee Ann writing this blog, and that in itself is an irreplaceable asset to everyone. We all have to play a part in this.
Comment by Michael Hoskins — January 7, 2010 @ 3:06 am
very very powerful words.thank you so much.
Comment by deanusa — January 7, 2010 @ 7:40 am
cannot believe that Wife posted that and commented on it as such. oh wait, I can.
in Ms. Johnson’s case, I truly believe that if someone is not emotionally/mentally stable, even without diabetes in the mix and all the additional psychological effects it brings, that they will not take care of themselves. Looks like another case of all the money in the world not bringing happiness.
Comment by Rachel — January 7, 2010 @ 7:55 am
Honestly if you do a poll about how many people are ignoring their diabetes you would be quite surprised at the answer.
Diabetes is a disease that makes us accountable for all our actions not just popping a pill and everything will be fine, there are some who are just in denial about the whole thing and it is sad because as difficult as diabetes management can be, the complications are worse if you don’t take care of yourself, you would think that is a concise and clear deterrent for someone but guess its not.
Comment by the poor diabetic — January 7, 2010 @ 8:44 am
Well done, LeaAnn.
Comment by Kassie — January 7, 2010 @ 9:08 am
That was excellent. One of your best posts yet, I think. I’m so happy you posted it! Good job.
Comment by Allison Blass — January 7, 2010 @ 9:36 am
I think I’m going to make my FB status “Pretending to be a pancreas day in and day out isn’t as fun as it sounds.” Love it! However, I did click over to the ladies blog and YUCK! I couldn’t get past three entries. She thinks it’s funny to say her husband is learning to program so he can get around when he’s in a wheelchair. Toxic, indeed. I’d rather be single than have someone write those things about me. I’m glad there are people like you to try to explain what we go through.
Comment by Becca — January 7, 2010 @ 10:29 am
Stands and applauds.
(The people in the office think that is strange.)
Comment by Bennet — January 7, 2010 @ 10:38 am
Great post Lee Ann. Praying that Gregory and his wife find some healthy support. Wife of a Diabetic’s ignorance about diabetes and toxic approach is clear to those of us who have read even a few of her posts, but I hate the thought of her influencing someone who is just starting to seek out help.
Comment by Carol — January 7, 2010 @ 10:43 am
Nice. Really nice.
Comment by Molly — January 7, 2010 @ 10:48 am
awesome post! how did you do it at 55??
Comment by zip — January 7, 2010 @ 11:04 am
LOL! It actually took me 2 days to write that. I was just 55 when I finally posted it, so it’s not as impressive as it might seem
Comment by Lee Ann — January 7, 2010 @ 11:07 am
Great post, Lee Ann. Remarkable.
Comment by Kerri. — January 7, 2010 @ 11:10 am
I keep praying the Gregory will find you. It makes me so sad.
This post was perfect. All the things you said were right on IMHO.
Thank you.
Comment by George — January 7, 2010 @ 11:11 am
Great post. Well written with such passion.
Comment by Jennifer — January 7, 2010 @ 11:16 am
Thank you for this post.
Comment by m — January 7, 2010 @ 11:41 am
wow, LeeAnn! you are a great resource! i will hope, too, that Gregory and his wife would find you. i remember coming across wife’s blog way back when…read one post, (mentally) turned around, and never looked back…shockingly negative.
Comment by Nan — January 7, 2010 @ 11:44 am
LeeAnn, you did it again. Said everything I’ve been thinking in the past few days. I’ve been rolling around a blog post in my head, but I don’t think I need to post it now…you’ve just done it in a much better fashion than I ever could.
I’m sure there were a myrid of factors that contributed to Casey Johnson’s death. At untimely as it was, I’m positive that diabetes alone did not lead to her death. Just like you pointed out, depression, drugs, alchohol, and a support system that may or may not have been good could have led to her death.
Thanks for pointing out the stresses that we all deal with every day are often more than anyone can reasonably deal with.
Thanks for posting this. I’m glad you did.
Comment by Cara — January 7, 2010 @ 11:51 am
What a great read! You’re description of how diabetes interupts everything was right on and totally refreshing.
Comment by Jillavieve — January 7, 2010 @ 11:54 am
Excellent post – and I’m excited about my new find (your blog). I followed a link from SixUntilMe’s tweet – and I stumbled upon an amazingly thoughtful and well thought out post of my internal struggle that I deal with every day (14 years and counting).
I’m sticking around.
Comment by rsholman — January 7, 2010 @ 12:13 pm
bravo! Love it! You made a lt of excellent points! You go girl!
Comment by Cherise — January 7, 2010 @ 12:16 pm
Wow. I read two posts over there and was sickened. I don’t understand that mindset at all. She sounds like she’s hoping he’s going to die soon and will throw a party when that happens.
While I’m not the person with diabetes, I hope that I provide some support for O. I’m sure I could be better at it, though.
Comment by Major Bedhead — January 7, 2010 @ 12:19 pm
Diabetes and mental health education/therapy is such a difficult thing to put into practice.
When I asked my licensed independent social worker husband who practices Self-Object Relations therapy with people with chronic illness (albeit not diabetes) what’s the deal, he said: 1) mental treatment is still not seen as important or necessary as physical treatment, 2) he can’t bill insurance unless he can diagnose a mental condition–so those of us who are in the “overwhelmed with the unrelenting nature of diabetes” but not mentally ill have extreme difficulties and expense getting served, and 3) there aren’t enough clinics or programs or treatment protocols that champion the mix of meds, monitoring, nutrition, and mental wellness education/therapy.
OK. That’s the facts. I hope Lee Ann’s post sheds light on this issue and I commend the professionals who serve and the people living with conditions who champion mental health education/therapy for diabetes and other chronic illnesses.
My mental and emotional well-being deserve just as much attention as does my dead pancreas. Maybe more.
Comment by Kelly Rawlings — January 7, 2010 @ 12:28 pm
New commenter here….and I picked a GREAT day to start reading your blog. This was 100% on the money. Truly a bad-ass post. Thank you.
Comment by Lindsay — January 7, 2010 @ 12:32 pm
All I can say is wow!
Thank you for putting it so eloquently what I know I have been feeling for quite a while now.
Comment by Angie — January 7, 2010 @ 12:53 pm
LeeAnn:
FANTASTIC POST! I hope and pray Gregory finds you.
I’ve read Wife’s blog in the past, and like you I find it filled with toxic venom regarding anyone with diabetes.
She will not publish comments from those who disagree with her and takes great pleasure in writing about the “silly delusional diabetics.”
I will not visit her blog anymore because of the hate.
And I absolutely agree that she and her husband both need therapy, both as a couple- and individually.
People, the media, family members, and John Q Public almost never focus on the emotional side of diabetes- and they absolutely should.
As far as Casey Johnson- the poor woman had issues with substance and alcohol abuse and diabetes or not- they have the potential to be lethal.
Mix that combo with diabetes and unresolved emotional issues and the results are deadly.
My heart goes out to her family for many reasons, and my thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.
Comment by k2 — January 7, 2010 @ 1:08 pm
Adding to the accolades: great post!
Comment by Lyrehca — January 7, 2010 @ 1:10 pm
Right on, this made me laugh and cry. Truth is so darn beautiful, thanks for painting some for us
Comment by karena — January 7, 2010 @ 1:11 pm
Your best post ever. I can’t agree with you more about Wife’s attitude. I would add more but your post really says it all. Thank you.
Comment by val — January 7, 2010 @ 1:16 pm
Ditto what everyone else said
I made a comment on WOAD’s blog too, let’s see if it ever shows up.
Comment by Kathy — January 7, 2010 @ 2:26 pm
Wow… thanks for putting words to it!
Comment by dana — January 7, 2010 @ 2:26 pm
LeeAnn, Thanks for this blog. You have taken a negative and written about it in a positive approach. I agree wholeheartedly with your analysis and commend you for exposing the problems in the site and the attitude of the blogger. Well Done!!!!
Bob
Comment by Bob Fenton — January 7, 2010 @ 4:00 pm
This has to be one of the best posts I’ve read in a long time. Maybe ever. When will the medical community realize that we are more than our broken pancreases and start providing treatment that makes sense for our whole bodies, including our minds? I am still waiting after 27 years.
nici
A sweet journey to motherhood
Comment by nici — January 7, 2010 @ 5:36 pm
Kudos…excellent post…just excellent.
Comment by "D" as in "D" — January 7, 2010 @ 5:58 pm
Diabetes is so tough. When my son was DX I felt like I had been hit with a truck. To this day, people poo poo it as no big deal. “It is so manageable!” Yeah, ok, but only for a person with a TEAM. My son can not do it all. It takes three of us to make sure every base gets covered, so we maintain “tight control.” It is a full time job for us. Seriously, I spend more time thinking about blood sugar and carbs and meds than I think about any other thing and I am not the diabetic! I am so glad to have found this blog and your positive attitude. Thank you.
Comment by 4peace — January 7, 2010 @ 6:03 pm
Thanks for this Lee Ann!
Comment by Penny — January 7, 2010 @ 7:18 pm
I know I’m a little late posting a comment but what a touching, illustrative post. The way you described all the things diabetes can affect, and does, was remarkable. And that wasn’t even everything!!!! Nice job Lee Ann … I am certain that you touched A LOT of people
Comment by Stacey D. — January 7, 2010 @ 8:35 pm
Simply awesome. Very well said. I am the wife of a T1 diabetic and mother of a recently-diagnosed 3 year-old T1 daughter. I can empathise to an extent as I have to manage her diabetes at the moment 100%. But these issues are so much more real to those living with the condition themselves. Congratulations on having the courage to speak out. Take care xxx
Comment by Kerry Cracknell — January 7, 2010 @ 8:55 pm
The problem is, although we were told at our son’s diagnosis that he would probably need some counseling, very few psychologists and psychiatrists specialize in, or even recognize the problems with, coping with diabetes. We finally found one who was willing to learn WHY it was such a problem, and was very helpful once he understood. But…you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. The person with diabetes must choose to accept help with the emotional side, admit there is one, and be willing to address it constantly. It is such a sad, sad, and complex disease!
This is a great post, and now I am going to read your blog regularly.
Comment by ksb — January 7, 2010 @ 9:03 pm
Excellent post!!!!!
…..but even if I sent my husband, co-workers, and family to this post, they still would not comprehend how diabetes effects every cell in our body and every waking moment.
43 years of this stuff for me and with tighter control and all the gadgets, I just find it harder to deal with than when I was without a bloodsugar meter or pump, if that makes any sense.
Comment by karend1 — January 7, 2010 @ 9:37 pm
I read this post earlier on my iPhone and commented…..I have now just got home and have gone to the PC to read “Wife of a Diabetic”. How terribly sad. I feel so sorry for her and for Gregory and for their spouses. This is a terribly difficult issue to grasp for non-diabetics, even people like me who live with diabetics and care for them. When my T1 husband was diagnosed (aged 31, in 2001) and then my daughter (last February, aged 2) we both felt that if they had to have something, at least it was something manageable. My words were ‘it could have been so much worse’. And it could – we know someone whose 2-year-old was diagnosed with MD and that little boy will die. I saw kids in the hospital here when I was in with my daughter last year, hooked up to tubes, with bald heads…..they may die too. My little girl WILL NOT die – I am determined!
BUT – nobody told us about the mental and emotional issues involved with living with diabetes day in, day out. We didn’t realise how it would be, as my husband’s diagnosis was so late – he is very pragmatic (the son of a Yorkshireman) and firmly believes in just ‘getting on with it’. Which is what he does, and he does it very well! It wasn’t until Isabel was diagnosed that the constant daily grind of living with diabetes became clear. However, we are determined not to let it define her – she is not ‘Isabel with diabetes’ – she is our Isabel and she is special with or without her diabetes (or ‘dire beasties’, as she calls it). We also have our 4-year-old son Joshua to consider – he has to live with it too, so we try very hard to be as normal as possible while at the same time integrating ‘dire beasties’ into Isabel’s daily life to the extent that she respects her condition but doesn’t feel that she is ruled by it. How we do that going forward as she hits puberty and teens is another question! It is SO tough but we feel that’s the right approach for us as a family right now.
Thank you Lee Ann for speaking out on this (and on other issues in previous posts, which I have also just had the chance to read just now). I will be reading this blog regularly ongoing and will highlight it to family and friends!
Comment by Kerry Cracknell — January 7, 2010 @ 10:07 pm
Does it sound juvenile if I suggest you leave a comment supportive of the wife’s views, (And I use the term “wife” loosely) and then when she allows it to be public on her blog, maybe Gregory will click on it and you can have a post with some REAL advice?
I know…yes, it sounds juvenile…but I don’t think it’s fair that the only person he thinks he can get advice from is that bitter woman. Hers was the first diabetic related blog I ever read. Needless to say I was careful never to go back and read it.
Comment by Meri — January 8, 2010 @ 12:18 am
Bravo and thank you for echoing my thoughts with such truth and eloquence. And may I add that I’m doubly impressed that you managed to be so thorough and articulate with a blood sugar of 55?!? Impressive!
Comment by Layne — January 8, 2010 @ 10:55 am
Thank you. I’m a total wuss and your paragraph listing the all the points of which D interrupts our lives had me crying in my soup. I go in and out of phases of mindfulness. I’m a LADA approaching my 2 year anniversary and I still feel like I am on the beginning of this roller coaster. Your post gives me yet another perspective: that I have a responsibility in informing (hopefully less on the complaining side) my loved ones of the tenacity involved in this total p.i.t.a disease. My hubby has his own chronic illness (crohn’s 20+yrs) and he has been soooo helpful in helping me cope & learn but even he says he wouldn’t want D because of how constant it is. Thanks again. I am glad you chose to post it.
Comment by Jodi Cutler — January 8, 2010 @ 1:08 pm
Ok..nice writing, but as a T2 who lived with a father that seemed to be a mirror image of this man, I can relate to some of the wife’s view points (and I wasn’t even the spouse, just the child). When you watch someone you love totally ignore their medical care regardless of what you do, it destroys you to watch them destroy themself. My father was an intelligent, educated man who knew he had diabetes for many years. He however chose to ignore it. His addiction was not drugs or alcohol, it was food. If my mother didn’t buy his favorites, he snuck out and got them himself. He would lie to us, his doctors, his friends about taking his meds and checking his bg. In the end, he was awaiting a liver transplant due to NASH, had no feeling in his lower legs, was going blind, and died of a major stroke–directly diabetes related. So is the wife living a healthy life? Nope. But maybe we need to walk a mile in her shoes and realize how watching someone you love kill themselves because of their addiction (whether drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, or FOOD) breaks you down regardless of what you do to try to save them. You can’t help someone that doesn’t want the help–and no level of education, control, or saving grace can stop their destruction. So yes, maybe she doesn’t understand our daily struggles. Maybe she doesn’t have to deal with the highs and lows, the finger pricks, the contant checking to make sure we have our supplies with us, the never being able to just do what we want to when we want to—but she has her own burden to bear. Hopefully you’ll never have to watch someone you love kill themself slowly.
Comment by Becky — January 8, 2010 @ 3:56 pm
WOW everyone should read this post! All doctors, nurses, friends/family of PWDs… this is such a wonderful capturing of what living with D is like. Even though they can’t get in our “perpetual mental purgatory” – this brings them closer than most anything else I’ve read. Awesome. Thanks for giving this gem of a post to the DOC.
Comment by Katie — January 9, 2010 @ 10:42 am
Oh boy, we’ve touched a nerve: http://wifeofadiabetic.blogspot.com/2010/01/gregory-you-opened-pandoras-box.html
Comment by Kathy — January 9, 2010 @ 12:37 pm
[...] Ann of The Butter Compartment: Another Round of the Blame Game (Ironically I was reading this post as my daughter turned to me and said, “I don’t want [...]
Pingback by Type 1 Tuesday 01.12.10 — January 12, 2010 @ 3:16 am
[...] Ann followed up with a moving blog post, “Another Round of the Blame Game.” There’s so much to appreciate in this heartfelt testimonial. But one passage that [...]
Pingback by » Flashback Friday: True Confessions of a ‘Good Diabetic’ - DiabetesMine: the all things diabetes blog — January 15, 2010 @ 9:01 am
[...] the laptop was perched on my knees and I was reading Lee Ann’s post Another Round of the Blame Game on The Butter [...]
Pingback by (Second) Guessing Game — January 21, 2010 @ 1:23 am
Bravo to you ! you summed it up in a nut shell, we diabetics are misunderstood now, with your post maybe some of these “one sided” people will get it,one can only hope ! I was feeling down and out today, seen my Doc yesterday need to change my insulin (type 2) but, he just don’t get it anyways, reading your post has made my day a little better ( after such a crappy morning) the frustration of it all seemed to diminish a bit. Thanks.
Comment by April — March 2, 2010 @ 2:32 pm
In recovery for drug and alcohol addiction, check. Diagnosed eating disorder, check. Mental illness, check. Diabetes, check. Thank you for somehow managing to cover all topics with such truth and hope. Some days are just so hard. I’m just tooling around the internet looking for some wisdom strength and hope. Found it here. Thank you.
Comment by Laurel — May 24, 2010 @ 6:12 pm
[...] Guilt is the real enemy. [...]
Pingback by All I Really Need to Know I Learned from the Diabetes Online Community « Typical Type 1 — August 11, 2010 @ 8:05 am